I Share Something In Common With Mariah Carey – Perhaps You Do Too!

Mariah Carey made a shocking announcement earlier this year.  The five-time Grammy winner said she has Bipolar Disorder and was diagnosed with the condition in 2001. So, why did she wait to announce this to her fans and the general public?

One word… denial!  She shared that initially, it was hard to accept the diagnosis.

Recently, I started to think about the times when I have been in denial about health problems. The first “denial” that comes to mind is related to my fertility.   When my husband Reggie and I were ready to start a family, I never imagined there would be challenges. After failing to get pregnant following a year of trying, my OB-GYN offered me two suggestions: talk with a fertility specialist to determine if there’s an issue or wait a little longer to see if I get pregnant.

I did not want to entertain the possibility that there could be a fertility issue preventing me from conceiving. As a result, I chose option #2: wait a bit longer to see if I get pregnant. And, I did conceive! However, my joy was short-lived as I miscarried early in the pregnancy. I sought treatment from a fertility specialist after my OB-GYN shared with me that I had a chemical pregnancy (not the most sensitive medical terminology), and I dreamed of fish dying in an overflowing fishbowl. (A common belief is that dreaming of swimming fish signifies that the dreamer or someone close to the dreamer is pregnant.) 

What did I learn?  I had fibroids blocking my fallopian tubes and needed surgery to remove them. Nearly three months after having the recommended surgery, I conceived and had a healthy pregnancy.

Denial is driven by fear, shame and a lack of knowledge. The nonprofit medical practice and research group Mayo Clinic describes denial as a way for people to cope – to protect oneself from the truth that will make them feel vulnerable. Denial helps people to manage emotional conflict, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety. In som e cases, short-term denial is a good thing, as it offers you time to adjust to the painful or stressful situation. It reminds me of when we say to ourselves, “I just can’t process this right now.”

It’s when you remain in denial that it’s harmful, especially when it’s in response to a health condition that can rapidly progress and lead to long-term effects. The Mayo Clinic offers the following strategies to help people move past denial. (I paired my story with each strategy as an example.)

• Honestly examine what you fear – I might not be able to get pregnant.

• Think about the potential negative consequences of inaction – I was in my late 30s. Should Reggie and I want more than one child, time was not on our side.

• Try to identify the irrational beliefs about your situation – Members of my immediate family seemed to be really fertile; it wasn’t in my genes to have a fertility problem.

• Allow yourself to express your fears and emotions – I was sad and disappointed.

• Open up to a trusted friend or loved one – Fortunately, I have a strong network of loved ones who were empathetic, compassionate and proactive. They prayed for me and Reggie, who was also very supportive in our journey to conceive.

• Participate in a support group, or if you’re significantly stuck, consider talking to a mental health professional – I never joined a support group, but whenever I was in the waiting room of the fertility specialist, other patients there would share their own situations with me. It was an affirming atmosphere of solidarity that manifested organically. It was an experience I have never had in an OB-GYN office. In fact, the most conversation I can recall in the waiting room of an OB-GYN office entailed the question, “Are you finished with that magazine?”

Now that I have shared my story, think about your own health. Are you in denial about something that affects your health and well-being? If so, how can you move past the denial?

Have thoughts to share? Leave a comment and join the conversation.

Be well,

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